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The fine art of bullshit - Part two

Sunday February 5, 2006

Leading on from the first, hugely successful, part in the series we cover a quick but effective topic today, becoming an award winning designer.

About two years ago I went to see a client, a client who I really like actually, and who, for a brief period was my boss; as his was the last restaurant I ever worked in. He's a fun guy and knows a fair few things about business, he is after all fucking loaded! But I digress.

I asked him how things were going, he said excellent, I said I notice on the menu you won an award for the restaurant! I was thrilled, wow! that's great, what award? He told me he had had lunch there the other week and thought it was so good he had given it an award.

I was quiet for a moment, absorbing this information carefully and then I simply howled with laughter, fucking genius.

So, for those who need it, and think being an "award winning" something or another means something to your business, I give you an award, yes that's right. Lady and Gentlemens, The Oxton Award for Interest in the use of Bullshit as a Business Model (OAIBBM).

Now the genius part about this award is that just by using it, you qualify to be awarded; thus saving me the need to confirm that you have won it because by taking it, you have won it, got it? Good, go enjoy it, you go getting award winner you. God I want to sleep with you now.. have your children.. ahem... anyway.

If there are any award winning designers out there want to make some little graphics I can offer on this page, please mail me with 'em... hell maybe I'll even make a special page for it.

Update

If you don't want to use the BS word on your site, then the initials stand for Orsum Architects' Institute of Business Brand Modeling and we'll simply say they are the people behind the award.

  1. Edward J. S. Atkinson

    1497 days ago

    I am hoping, desperately hoping, that we start seeing graphics proudly displaying the “OAIBBM” at the bottom of every web page across the world wide web…that’d be marvelous.

  2. Fabian De Rango

    1497 days ago

    so wait this guy gave his own restaraunt an award?

  3. James AkaXakA

    1496 days ago

    His own lunch even…great stuff :)

  4. Steven Woods

    1496 days ago

    Heh.

  5. Piotr

    1496 days ago

    Hej, what a relieve it is to finally get awarded. Thanks.

  6. Benjamin

    1496 days ago

    I’d like to thank my Mum, Dad, Dog Lassie and most importantly my mentor in the art of Bullshit – Mr John Oxton. He taught me all the shit I utter.

  7. lm

    1495 days ago

    ah i forgot but of course we should be prepare to say something on it – the speech

  8. gb

    1495 days ago

    this reminds me of my last job, wherein as the web-everything guy (thank your favourite higher power that I get to focus on graphic design now… I’m not a developer). One day, the “copywriter” (hahahahahahaha… oh man… what a misnomer) came in and said I had to essentially do his job for him. One of the tasks was, and I kid you not… writing the testimonials for the web site we were working on (and pairing the appropriate stock photography with it). Being the master of bullshit that I am, I wowed he and my boss with the poop that I flung.

    I still want to punch my old boss for making me do that, though…


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